First ask yourself…”Does ‘no’ mean ‘no’ at your house, at the store, at a friends house, at a relatives house?” Your child has probably figured out that sometimes they get what they wanted even though you said “no”. What the child learned is, “no” is a word worth arguing over because sometimes it leads to a “yes”. Parents, decide what are the things you are willing to stand up to, no matter how many times your child asks.

WHEN MY KIDS WERE LITTLE

I decided safety was the number one reason I would say “no.” “No you cannot go to the park without a grownup.” “No you cannot ride your bike in the street.”

Good health was another reason I would say “no.” “No you cannot have M&Ms right now we are having dinner in 30 minutes.” “No you cannot watch tv right now you need to get some exercise first, go play outside.” “No you cannot play with ___ until after you brush your teeth.”

When they did not obey there was a consequence, every time, no matter what!!!     Well…not every time, that would be weird and a little perfectionistic, which I am just a little…can a person be just a little perfectionistic? I am not a perfectionist, well sort of…My kids are 25 and 28 now lets ask them…

If you say there will be a consequence you must follow through!

CONSEQUENCE EXAMPLES

If you don’t get ready for school on time you cant watch tv for a week. If you keep doing that we are going to leave.  If you don’t get ready for bed you are grounded. If you ask one more time you wont get any Christmas presents.

Be thoughtful with what you say…

• If you said no tv after school, you better be home to keep the tv off when they get home!
• If you say “we are leaving if you do that again,” go ahead and leave a full cart at the store.
• If you say “consequences you will be grounded” keep it short and simple. No more than 24 hours ever. Grounded from what (must be defined)? Parent must ensure child does not get the desired thing they are grounded from.

For this reason, I feel sad when I hear parents threatening children with “no Christmas presents.” Consequences can and should be, things you can and will follow through with. This way both you and your children will feel more trusting in your relationships.

Break the habit of using the word “no.”

• Instead say “yes” more often.
• Say “no” in a different way

EXAMPLE: Sure you can have M&Ms but first eat the dinner I made without complaining or asking for M&Ms.” If your child does not eat, complains, or keeps asking…guess what? No M&Ms.

In the long run it’s worth it! You are teaching your children learn what is and what is not ok. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. In the present time, you are doing your best job. Never stop looking for support, keep smiling, keep asking questions, and keep practicing.  Aly~