Thanks for your honesty of how you see your husband. It is by naming our thoughts that we can begin to heal. You see your husband as weak and bothered by things about him.

Our culture and society including advertisements play a huge role on what we “think” about gender roles, status, etc.

I’ll remind you, that to many, Jesus was seen as weak, not saving himself on the cross. Cowardice not standing up to the Pharacies and yet He was the strongest man the world has ever known.

I remember a summer afternoon at the beach with my kids. My memory recalls my son as 14, my daughter 10. Each of us, feet towards the water laying back side in the sun on colored beach towels. It was windy with occasional gusts to which we shielded our eyes from blowing sand.

My daughter and I were enjoying being close and laughing.

And then…
a gust of wind as in preparation for tsunami surprised us, our peripheral vision revealing sun shade umbrellas flying in our direction from other sun bathers down the beach.

Quickly we threw our arms over our heads face flat against the beach towel in self protection.

Seconds later I raised my head to see my son in warrior stance holding strong to the long medal shaft of a 7 foot rainbow colored umbrella.

I tell this story to couples I counsel because when we think our men are not communicating the way would like we forget that their brains are hardwired to be prepared for a bear to walk in the room. And if one did your husband would kill that bear with his bare hands to protect you!

My sons father used to tell me that because our son wore a pink or yellow power ranger suit when he was 4 that he’d be gay. When our son wanted to run cross country and play soccer his dad told him only wussy and wimps run like that. You’ll play football like a real man. He was in 9th grade at the time. Our son was committed to school, hockey, football, baseball, work and family. Not girls. Yet relentlessly his father and step mother said he must be gay if he didn’t have a girlfriend.

I don’t know if he is or isn’t and I don’t care. He is tender. He is loving. He is sincere in his affection. He does not use his strength to manipulate or control. He uses it to love. And he is fierce and strong and powerful when he needs to be.

He is now a civil engineer, married, owns a home and when he gets together with his dad my heart aches because his dads eyes are blind to his gifts. His alcoholism showed our son that a real man drinks, a lot. My son drinks a lot seeking approval from his absent father.

I pray for them both that their minds would be renewed and their hearts transformed in the likeness of God who is protector, teacher, nurturer, friend, lover, provider, yet full of compassion and grace; which to many still looks like weakness. Woe to the pharacies I tell you the truth…

Spend some time asking God: Where did you learn what weakness is? By whose standards are you using? Who has taught you what it means to “be a man” and what a “man” should “look” like?

Please God, Let Your truth become my truth so I can see my husband the way you see him. Amen

God bless you on your journey. God is showing you His way. Not the way of man.

With love,
Aly~