I awoke this morning with thoughts of a relationship dilemma igniting sparks on the gerbil wheel in my mind, so I took to typing. By what seemed like the hundredth paragraph, I arrived in prayer asking for God to supernaturally help keep my mouth shut the next time I want to share my beliefs with someone who cannot hear. Lord, please help me!

Twenty minutes later, mindfully eating cereal, my mind wandered away from all His goodness and the day before me. I started choking. While choking, I quickly recognized I was back in the relationship dilemma prodding and solving again…cough, cough, choke, choke…”Ok, ok!” I surrendered in my mind. I get it; You (God) are trying to get my attention…the pain in my throat from coughing and the fear of not being able to breathe, wondering what would happen if I choked to death and no one ever found me… and God said to me (not audibly but a knowing in my Spirit that it was Him) you thought pain was love.

I did?

Quiet nothing

and fear He continued

I did?

It is why I can use pain and fear to get you to notice what I am showing you because you know pain and fear so well. Since you chose Me to lead your life I am able to use what you know and to replace it with what I want you to know.

I wanted more, so I asked, “anything else…?”

I will show you what it is that needs to be said to the world. You will listen and I will guide your hand. We will work together and my words will gather and heal the broken hearted, through you and I working together. You have shown great tenaciy and strenght in times of trouble and you know well that trouble leaves open wounds that no person can heal. But I can and you are a witness to my saving grace.

I continued eating my cereal, big spoonfuls along with all the Lord had just revealed to me, then I noticed an old familiar feeling of fullness. He continued talking:

Yes, fullness the uncomfortable kind that had brought you pain, the pain of fullness. As a little girl that feeling of fullness was a way that you thought was love. Being full meant love to you. It is why you ate and ate and ate and eventually led to sugar addiction seeking that fullness that you equated with love. Now that you are healing from eating disordered thinking you are beginning to learn that my love does not hurt. That I can give you a fullness that does not come from food or sugar or love by a man or sex or drugs or alcohol. Others have learned this lesson before you, do not compare yourself to others. Just simply be on your own journey of knowing the love I offer is love through peace, in stillness, and captured by tranquility. Outside of my presence, you experience discomfort, confusion, and exhaustion.

Later, God continued speaking to my Spirit and answering my questions when I was out walking. He said,

There are no rules, only wisdom

There are no traps, you are not trapped, and there are no rules. Only wisdom

I cried and walked and just said Thank you over and over again. Thank you